I hide how vulnerable I feel. I seldom talk about negative things like how much I hate having IVs and monthly infusions, or being sick at all. I don't talk about how afraid I am about the transplant, or my worries about money. I'm afraid of being rejected or labelled "needy." The end result is everyone thinks I am cheerful and fine, because that's usually all I reveal. I am hurt that no one offers comfort, and I feel so alone....but I've created the problem, because I don't tell people how I feel.
Am I doing the best I can when I keep hiding my vulnerability from people? I bring my pain to God, but if I keep doing the same things that have caused that pain, I am not allowing healing but keeping myself closed from it. My goal as I journey through Lent and the transplant is to stop hiding my vulnerability from those I love.
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Wow....it's a brave thing to STOP hiding. I don't think I've mastered that myself. I'm always holding something back. Perhaps that's feminine nature? Speak your mind, woman! And if we follow the wrong path please forgive us and slap us upside the head. It is indeed easy to forget you're not feeling well. You're in my prayers every day.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Amanda